Five Ways to Stay Happy in Unhappy Times

John Izzo is a bestselling author who has done a lot of research on the nature of happiness and mental well-being. This is a very tough time for a lot of people given the changes that are taking place in government and society. There seems to be a collective angst that has fallen across America these days. Much of this unhappiness is rooted in the negativity going back and forth between people on different sides of some very polarizing issues. Here are five ways John suggests to find happiness in the midst of unhappiness.

1. Stop Trying to Control What You See and Hear: We need to accept hard truths about these times that we are in because only then can we truly move forward. As long as you keep only reading whichever “fake news” agrees with your own bias, you are giving yourself the illusion of control and of knowing “the truth” because everything you look at just confirms what you already know. Challenge yourself to seek out facts in all venues and media because the truth is that no one is right all the time but no one is wrong all the time, either. I recently was at the gym watching Fox News and CNN side by side with captions reporting on the same events of the day. To my surprise, it really felt the truth was somewhere between channels.

2. Sit Down and Talk to Someone Whose Views Make You Uncomfortable. Along the same themes of stepping out of the place of controlling and feeding your own biases, make yourself uncomfortable. As difficult as it is, try sitting down with a family member or someone else with whom you completely disagree about things like immigration, the economy, security, etc. This will be very uncomfortable and you may at times want to just throw something at them, but the discomfort serves a vital purpose: learning.

3. Focus on Spreading Happiness & Understanding in Social Media. Ok for some of us, that is going to be tough. Unhappiness is contagious, so is name calling and narrow thinking. One of my friends on Facebook posted a bouquet of flowers which she said she put up just because no one looks at posts without pictures. Then she said “can we all try to spread a little understanding towards each other.” Make it a point at least once each day to send a message or post on social media whose aim is to build bridges and spread happiness.

4. Practice gratitude, even when it’s hard. It seems like so many people are focused on all the things that are not working when there remain so many hopeful trends in the world. There are still so many great things to be grateful for and to be celebrated every day. And we need to celebrate what we want to see more of, not over focus on what we want to see less of. Earlier this fall I shared a video Starbucks had done about an Islamic community center that moved in next door to a conservative church in the south. The way they both wound up embracing each other was incredible. I shared it on social media and the response was so positive from people on all sides of many issues.

5. Remember that happiness is a choice. One of the things that is most destructive to happiness is connecting it to the “happenings” of our life. In the current environment, it is so easy to say “I will be happy when” and “I will be happy if” but we can choose happiness at any moment. In my morning meditation, I always begin and end with the mantra: I choose contentment. That way I remind myself that as I go through the day things may or may not go my way but the choice to be happy is always there.

There is one last important point. Happiness matters. The Dali Lama says the purpose of life is “to find happiness.” The reason is simple. Unhappiness is contagious and unhappy people don’t have thoughtful conversations to find common ground.