Ten Great Things About a Trump Presidency

While the world (and this nation) awaits a highly controversial new leader and cabinet, we thought it would be a good time to outline all the great benefits of a Trump presidency, lest we get mired down in the negativity of it all. No, we are not refering to the tens of thousands of random checks that will no doubt magically appear in the mailboxes of poor white people because America is great again (though that is certainly worth noting), but other things, too.

To that end, we are here to tell you that all is not dark--there is hope for the nation yet with the orange-maned one at the helm! Here are the top ten great things the Trump presidency will bring us:

1. The Lincoln Bedroom renamed the far more fun-sounding "Putin Pleasure Palace."

2. Special, limited-edition shiny new ID cards for all Muslims.

3. New Antonin Scalia Memorial Women's Health Center.

4. Spray-on tanning becomes entirely tax-deductible expense.

5. Tom Brady, Secretary of State.

6. Melania in charge of Department of Immigrant Makeovers so that immigrants from other countries don't look quite so "immigrant-ish."

7. Wacky antics and high-jinks as he keeps grabbing John Lewis's arm and placing his next to it so he can point out, "Hey! Look! I'm darker than you!"

8. Will ensure that all women in his cabinet are "at least a 7."

9. Endless and funny blooper reels of Trump repeatedly and mistakenly asking Latin American heads of state to fetch him a glass of water.

10. England no longer the nation holding "dumbest nation" status for Brexit. USA! USA!