Things That P*ss Me Off: E-Cards

In some parallel universe, holiday e-cards are indicative of a genuine effort by people to show that they care for and appreciate others. Unfortunately, that universe is also one where people are stupider and slower, and pudding is celebrated as mankind's greatest achievement. In our universe, e-cards do little more than to announce that you wanted to make the least effort possible and yet felt the compelling need to spam people with something pointless and irrelevant at a time when their inboxes are already jammed with useless junk.

Who thought e-cards for the Christmas holidays was a good idea? Did someone actually look at the current tactic of mass-mailed/automated physical cards with pre-printed signatures and think, "No! This isn't superficial enough -- it is not adequately disconnected from human connection and also does nothing for my sheer gift of laziness. I feel the need to isolate myself from my fellow man even further while minimizing labor beyond the need to even lift a pen and write to people I supposedly appreciate. I know! I will just send the same damn generic message filled with vague, non-specific, and guaranteed-not-to-offend-because-it-is-so-damn-bland languaghe via email to everyone I have ever known and just pretend that I am actually saving trrees! I'm a bloody genius!"

Anyone that sent me an e-card will have their email address forwarded to various vendors of penile-enhancement drugs and wives of former military dictators looking to find a stranger to whom they can pay two million dollars, so that they can be in like-minded company.