If you don’t ask, you’re less likely to get what you want. It seems so simple. Yet for some reason, people hold back. They expect their bosses to read their minds. Some just settle for less and bring half their hearts (or brains) to work. Others decide it’s easier to leave than to ask. Most people eventually realize that no matter where or with whom they work, at times they will want a little more of something. And the best way to get that something is to ask.

—Unknown

They Want to Hear from You

If you are a solid performer, your managers want to know what will keep you engaged (satisfied, productive) and on the team. They don’t want to lose you, physically or psychologically. 7

How ready are you to hold an honest, possibly courageous conversation with your boss, a colleague, a senior leader? How willing are you to ask for what you really want? Here’s how someone did just that:8

Who do you need to ask? And for what? How will you go about it? Try the following steps.

Step 1: Get Crystal-Clear about What You Want

So, what do you want? Get to the bottom of it. Interview yourself:

• What about my job makes me jump out of bed in the morning?
  
• What makes me hit the snooze button?
  
• If I were to win the lottery and resign, what would I miss the most?
  
• What would be the one change in my current role that would make me want to stay for a long time?
  
• If I had a magic wand, what would be the one thing I would change about my department or team?
  
• If I had to go back to a position in my past and stay for an extended period of time, which one would it be and why?

The answers to these questions will reveal what you want. Other chapters in this book will help you further clarify your “wish list.” Reread “Ask” after reading them. 10

Step 2: Consider Who, When, and How You’ll Ask

Who can deliver what you want? Consider these people:

• Those with information you need
• Good listeners and advice givers
• Decision makers (your boss?)

How and when will you approach them? Consider their preferences:

• Should you request the conversation by e-mail, voice mail, or face-to-face?
• Is it best to meet early in the morning or over lunch? Monday or later in the week?

How will you open the conversation? Consider these guidelines:

• Get to the point. Thank the person for his or her time and say you have a request to make.
• Lay it out and be specific. What do you need? Advice? Feedback? A new challenge?

Step 3: Identify the Barriers—Then Bulldoze Them

Barriers to asking come in all shapes and sizes. Here are some of the most common:

• Fear. Is fear in the way of asking? Fear of what? The answer? The person? Something else?

It’s simple. To get more of what you really want at work, face your fear, plan your approach, and go for it.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.

—Mark Twain

• Your boss’s (or other decision makers’) mind-sets, constraints, or concerns. Those you ask are often bound by rules, policies, guidelines, and cultural norms. And they’re concerned about fairness.

Anticipate the problems and potential barriers to your request and present ideas for solving them. Seek solutions that work for you, them, and the team.

• Lack of WIIFT (what’s in it for them?). Before you go to your request granter, stop and identify the WIIFT. Ask yourself, “What’s in it for that person to grant my request? How will she benefit? Is my request a ‘piece of cake’ or really difficult to grant?” WIIFT in hand, now you’re ready to ask.

Find the WIIFT and you’ll increase the odds of getting a yes.

And If the Answer Is No?

Despite your careful planning and strategic thinking, you’ll no doubt encounter a no now and then. Listen to the reasons for the no. Then:

• ask again (in a different way or at a different time)
  
• —or—
  
• ask how you can help make it work (brainstorm possibilities)
  
• —or—
  
• ask someone else (can someone else help with your request?)
  
• —or—
  
• ask what’s possible, if not this
  
• —or—
  
• ask when it might be possible, if not now
  
• —or—
  
• ask what you can do to improve the way you’re asking.

Don’t give up. 13

And when they say yes, thank them—with words and in continued great performance.

People tell us that in hindsight, they wish they had asked for what they wanted. Or they wish they’d asked in a more effective way, so a decision maker could have worked with them to make it happen. Asking is key to every chapter and central to the philosophy of this book.

Don’t expect others to take the first step. Don’t make them guess, because most often, they’ll guess wrong. Be clear. Be prepared. Be collaborative, and then ask for what you want.

If you don’t ask for what you want, you’ll simply have to take what you get.

Seen at the Rose Bowl Flea Market in Pasadena, CA.